Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
