I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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