Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
