my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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