I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
