people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
