but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
