Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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