Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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