called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
