i just wanna soil my oats bro
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
