yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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