I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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