Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
