Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
third nipple confirmed
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
