OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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