Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
