I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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