at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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