i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
