But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
