I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
