man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
