Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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