I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
