Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
