just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
