So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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