Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
