Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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