someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
