i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
