whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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