i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
