Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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