Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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