end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
