Porn is love you can see.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
