i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
