with your own penis?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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