well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
