Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
