With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
