The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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