we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
