Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
