I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
