Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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