Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
