If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
