Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
