At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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