Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there was a trapeze. enough said
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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