So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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