i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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