If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
