which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
