the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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