I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
