Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
